It’s entertaining season and you are likely to be invited somewhere for a party or meal this time of year. Being a good guest requires a measure of thoughtfulness and gratitude.
An invitation to a party or dinner is a gift to you so please respond appropriately. As we have moved to a more casual society, let’s not lose the good manners of being a gracious guest.
Good guest etiquette is more important than being the ‘life of the party’, and is bound to make you a MIP (most invited person).
Here are 4 ways to be the perfect guest:
Communicate
Let your host know if you are coming or not as soon as possible following the invite. This holds true whether it is a casual verbal invite or a formal written invitation with an RSVP card.
Life is unpredictable, but your manners shouldn’t be. Keep your host informed and send your apologies and regrets immediately if something happens after you have accepted the invitation and you are unable to attend after all. They need to know how many people they are planning for.
Dress appropriately
If you don’t know if this is a jeans and sweater or ballgown affair, ask. Most parties are somewhere in the middle and ‘smart and casual’ attire works.
Honor the effort made by your host by showing up clean and pressed if at all possible…rolling in sweaty and straight from the gym is generally rude.
Arrive close to on time
‘On time’ varies by culture - some cultures are very punctual and it would be considered rude to show up any time other than on the dot at the appointed hour. Some are more laid back and arrival is expected any time within the first hour.
BUT nothing is worse than guests arriving early when your host is likely still in pre-party assembly mode or getting changed into party clothes!
Unless it is a drop in ‘open-house’ type of affair, my preference as a hostess is usually to have guests arrive in the first 15 minutes of the stated start time. If I’m serving a hot meal, I plan a buffer of half an hour or so of drinks and nibbles so I can be sure the guests have all arrived before dinner is ready to be served.
Express your gratitude
Hostess Gifts
Bring a hostess gift with you as a small token of appreciation. Alternatively, you can send one before or after the party - especially for a more formal affair.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a variety of lovely hostess gifts over the years and I am always touched by the thoughtfulness.
Hostess Gifts Ideas
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Flowers
Flowers are perhaps the most common hostess gift, and with good reason! Who doesn’t love to get flowers? Bringing them all arranged in a container or in water tubes so they keep until the host/hostess has a moment to arrange them will be extra-appreciated in the busy moments at the start of any gathering.
Plants
Related to flowers, plants are another lovely option. There are flowering plants, topiaries, bamboo, and potted herbs. During the holiday season a containers with amaryllis or paper white bulbs is a fun gift the recipient can watch grow and bloom over the coming weeks.
Gourmet food items
As long as you know your host well enough, gourmet food items are a great option, but you don’t want to insult or kill anyone given the variety of food restrictions and allergies that abound.
Be sure to clarify that the gift is for the host and not something you expect them to break out and serve at the party!
Wine, chocolate, specialty jams and toppings, local honey or syrup, coffee/tea, flavored oils, candy, gourmet hot chocolate bombs, gift baskets…the options are endless, but make sure it isn’t something with special storage requirements - you have no way to know if there is room in the hosts fridge or freezer!
If you bake, homemade treats to be enjoyed after guests are gone or the next day is a terrific indulgence for your host.
Gift items
Special candles, soaps, bath bombs, and lotions are all nice pampering thank you gifts. Tea towels, a favorite book (coffee table book/novel/cookbook), trivets, coasters, cheese knives, monogrammed cocktail napkins, a special wine stopper…I’ve gotten some lovely ornaments as hostess gifts at my annual Christmas party.
The Graceful Exit
Seek out your host before you leave to say thank you. No matter how introverted you are, be sure to hunt down your host to say goodbye and thank them again for a lovely time. Even if you’ve already ‘used all your words today’ save a few to say thank you before you make your escape.
Follow Up
Though no longer strictly required, bonus points for a hand written thank you note mailed within a few days after the party. It is an excellent use for that beautiful stationary you’ve been stockpiling, though an email is acceptable too.
If your host went above and beyond to create a wonderful experience, letting them know in writing how much it was appreciated is really thoughtful (and likely to get you invited back!)
